The Tyranny of TiVo
Dan Rowley
Copyright (C) 2004, Dan Rowley



Life without TiVo is a life scarcely worth living. To the unwashed masses, such a statement is charmingly -- if a little creepily -- hyperbolic. Among the disciples of the "cult of TiVo," though, it's a mantra -- one repeated with conviction to anyone who will listen. To the growing ranks of the converted, TiVo is nothing less than the second coming of television. Finally, a tool that frees us from the tyranny of the network schedules, allowing us to rise above the petty rivalries that pit favorite shows against eachother in bloody fisticuffs over prime timeslots. At last the viewer is in complete control. But are we? That smiling little logo belies a dark truth - that there is a price to be paid for this so-called freedom. Your TiVo -- that unassuming black or silver box sitting quietly over by your television -- owns you.


I converted some years ago when I was seduced by TiVo's smarter but sadly underappreciated cousin, ReplayTV. I'm not sure I know when, exactly the honeymoon ended. Don't get me wrong, I still love my TiVo, but that love is tempered by the knowledge that left unfettered, the TiVo is a cruel taskmaster that will consume your every spare moment. It starts simply enough. You tell TiVo about the shows you watch, and the kinds of tv you like in general, and it obediently goes out and starts collecting stuff it thinks you will like. This can go on for weeks or months, perhaps even an entire season. Each week TiVo records a bunch of stuff, and each week you watch it. Bliss! Enjoy the honeymoon, because the seeds of discontent are soon planted.


The new television season is all about temptation. In the dark days before TiVo, every viewing decision was a delicate balancing act. To which prime-time show will you pledge your allegiance? The networks pull out all the dirty tricks - special double episodes, the late start, the final joke after the credits - anything to keep you from changing the channel. But you're above all that now - you really CAN have it all. Just tell TiVO to get it! Here's where the trouble starts, and almost everybody misses the early warning signs. TiVo still goes out and fetches all this great programming, and you still watch it, blissfully "bleep blooping" through all the commercials and credits, but at the end of the week something happens, or rather something DOESN'T happen -- you can't watch it all. Leftovers. So what? I'll just put it in the fridge here and eat it when I'm hungry. riiight.


Barring a sudden layoff or bout of mono, one extra program turns into two, three, and eventually a dozen or two. Suddenly all those pretty green circles that say "hey this is new!" turn an angry yellow and sprout admonishing exclamation points. Your friend the TiVo is chiding you for not holding up your end of the bargain - you're falling down on the job! This is about the time that you start hatching schemes for dealing with all the overflow. You've got almost an entire season of ER stacked up, and the guilt is just KILLING you! You can't watch this week's episode, because you still haven't seen LAST week, or the week before THAT. You can't watch TV away from home, because not only are you behind, you don't know what day anything is on anymore! If you don't watch this stuff soon, TiVo is GOING TO DELETE IT! Clearly, this is an emergency.


A meeting at TiVo-anon would go something like this :

"I was so desperate I hooked up *MY OLD VCR* and started taping off shows to make room for new ones"
"I actually tore open my TiVo and put a bigger hard drive in it so I could store more stuff"
"I started making compilation DVDs of shows I had never watched"
"I actually cancelled a date so that I could 'get through' some of the old episodes of Buffy that had piled up"
"I called in sick because TiVo was about to delete the series Finale of FRASIER!"
"My Tivo has two tuners, but I called the satellite company and asked if I could get more"
"I bought a DVR for my DVR"

ouch.


I didn't see the signs until it was way too late. By the time I recognized that I, too, had a problem, I was almost too far gone to save -- nearly adrift in a sea of yellow dots and compilation dvds. I finally saw the absurdity of it all as I was looking for a disc on which to "dub off" a few pesky hangers-on from my Tivo, and all I could find were episodes of ER from last season. When did I record THOSE? And how long has it been since WONDERFALLS was cancelled? I've got to get off this treadmill!


So I'm taking the first steps. Last night I erased four dvds full of episodes of ER and Boston Public that I will never watch. The feeling of relief was incredible - like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Today the sun is shining and there's a spring in my step - I'm in control again. There are new episodes of Six Feet Under and Dead Like Me this weekend, and it's almost fall so a new season of Will and Grace can't be far off... uhoh.



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